Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
