How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need to get me chipped asap
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
