remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
