There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
