This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
