i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
