I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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