I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
