i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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