I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
