I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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