Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
