My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
