Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
