I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
