You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
