the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
