i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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