I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
MIDGETS
????
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i think i just lost a toe
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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