She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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