Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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