remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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