Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
