we made out on top of his cat.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
