Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never joke about your clitoris.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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