Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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