shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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