I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
