Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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