She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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