That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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