The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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