I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
