It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
