please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
