I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize