I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
