Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
