Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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