He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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