Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize