not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
