i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize