Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
