Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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