i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
