Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
