Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
