when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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