I just made out with a guy for $7.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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