I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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