I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
