I puked a lego.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
