and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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