Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
