Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
