Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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