took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
