It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
