Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
