You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
