People with herpes should wear stickers.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
