since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
