Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
