I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
