And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
