Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
