definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
