i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Im part way to drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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