biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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