Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize