btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Houston, we have a squirter
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
