Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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