At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
