So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
